I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
