Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
