3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
