my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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