i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
