mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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