I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
