I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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