hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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