is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
And then he peed in my hair
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