she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
