I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
