Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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