So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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