I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize