peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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