If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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