doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
