Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
