I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
