The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
