I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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