Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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