so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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