smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
