Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
