If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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