lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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