The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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