I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
