He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the day after is always just damage control
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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