I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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