We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
