I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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