I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
