Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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