69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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