I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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