some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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