.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
