You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
