i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
