Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
