last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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