I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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