i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
