im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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