Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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