so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
