she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
