you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
