Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
