is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
