Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize