I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
