no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
