I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
