i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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