singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
