so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
