He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
