I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
