if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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