I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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