p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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