obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
