So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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