We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
