He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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