She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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