just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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